I wanted to share my experience with burnout at work. I am no expert on burnout, I’m just a girl standing in front of her boss, asking for more PTO. Based on my experience of damaging my stomach and mental health, here are my tips on what not to do when experiencing burnout – and some things I started doing that actually help.
Here’s my normal pattern when I start a new job: Since my skills and personality are under such scrutiny, I shadow everyone and say yes to every opportunity to learn something new, which I’ve learned is just a way for the seasoned employees to take advantage of the newbie. I am 100% focused on the new job. I don’t do anything else other than go to work. I am doing things on my own very quickly. I start to do more tasks, like scheduling or answering more messages. As a result, I get lots of positive feedback. However, there is always a turning point. It could be feedback from a manager or co-worker, a particularly challenging day, snarky comments or unappreciation from a provider, that sends me into a negative spiral. I take it way too seriously, even if it was presented in a professional way, or even an off-handed way.
I start avoiding the manager and certain people. I’m on high alert, always wanting to look productive and second guessing my instincts. This takes a physical toll, too – muscle tension, headaches. Eating junk food for comfort and subsequent GI upset. I start to call in sick, using up the ridiculously small amount of PTO the company allows me to earn, not realizing how the exhaustion and terrible eating habits affects my system. There is no separate sick, holiday, or personal time. Since I’m calling in sick so often, I can’t save up my PTO for an actual break or vacation. If I do go into work, I’m so tired or distracted by my stomach pains that I can’t focus. I feel disconnected and want to isolate myself. I handle this for maybe a couple of years and then move to another department, thinking things will be different. But the pattern just repeats.
This time I want things to be different. Being upset, hypervigilant and eating my feelings is not going to change my workplace. One thing I’ve started doing regularly is sessions with a somatic coach. The sessions have really helped me identify what I’m actually feeling – like physically feeling. Instead of saying I feel angry, insulted, ashamed I can say my body feels constricted, my breathing is shallow, my heart rate is up. Even just identifying the physical sensations has been very helpful for me. The coaching also helps me understand how to release the feelings through deep breathing, journaling and being creative. I started two new medications to help with anxiety. I’ve also found a couple of legit YouTube channels that give practical advice on high-functioning anxiety and burnout. To battle burnout, I know I will need to keep up on all these things. So far, it’s helping a lot and I feel more hopeful about my future chapters.
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